Diary of an Erotic Medium

A famous Daoist Philosopher Lao Zi wrote that a journey of a thousand miles starts beneath one's feet. On many occasions his words got misinterpreted into "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." In the West we tend to think that progression is reflected in moving forward. We've been conditioned to forget that natural development is actually seen in making one's way in the world in one's full integrity; making steps fully embodied and felt. Many times what this requires of us is taking a step back, moving in- taking time to really realign and re-connect to inner truth by sensing and feeling.

The time of coronavirus has been giving us valuable opportunities for more than a glimpse into our real needs and wants. I'm recognizing that the most valuable things of my life represent and are represented by free-roaming and the courage to walk (along) my way. My kind of life seemed to vanish before my eyes in my attempts to leave England because of Brexit. Six of them failed. Bad timing for moving. Good time for (even more) reflection.

How many times a day do you catch yourself being edgy and defensive?

What is continuously edgy in me are my ideas.

Since I can remember I'm fired up about a topic I am passionate about; Different dimensions of human sexuality.

I'm fascinated by unrequited love. My first was Freddie Mercury. Because of his presence/absence I love to play with vocal overtones and sexual undertones.

I like to penetrate men; to be specific- I like to penetrate a man's brain. Playing with words turns me on. I take full responsibility for them- the words and what they mean to men minus n. On many occasions I'm not even aware that it is a double-edged blade I am walking on.

Before Corona times I used to be great in creating and destroying. Nowadays there is a need for preservation as well. Not my ideas, not the many lessons I've learnt over the years of loving... but my essence; the stories life has been writing through me; 🎶love of my life🎶.

I have a gut brain a.k.a. I studied at GUT (Guilin University of Technology). You have a gut brain too, regardless if you're having a history of attending a University in China or not. Everyone has it. One does not need to use this brain; one only needs to let it do its job which cannot be done...



Just for the record; I'm not into BDSM.
I practice BTSM instead. I practice Healing through BreathTouchSoundMovement. This is what the pillars of tantric work are and I wish I wouldn't be getting calls from men asking me to take-a-leak for them to grab-a-drink.... or me.
No offence, but authentic tantra has nothing to do with...

Sexual desire should not run rampant; you are aware of this that's why a lover in me adores a lover in you.
You like to carry me in your mind, but you're not capable of embracing me. You brace yourself. You want to become better, stronger, tougher... in order to meet me. But whose order is it? Whose needs are you meeting this way? ...

Stories of super-sensitivity were rare in 19th century, so there's no wonder that they've been almost non-existent in 21st.
We've been addicted to stimulation- both of our minds as well as our bodies.
My loyalty was established by my sensitivity to a PEA placed under my matresses. My PEA levels were ever increasing with sexual anticipation,...

The old adage 'out of sight out of mind' proves to be right again and again.
Whose fault is it? Or should I say whose lack of relating is it?
Lately I've been feeling a lot of shame about having had lots of wrong kind of sex. Lately is considered over the past 2 years since I've entered Brahmacharya again. ...



I've been practicing eye-gazing with numerous men; many of them have misnamed this practice by calling it "staring".

I am a Sannyasin; relating 24/7. With myself and with others. My body listens to all of the history of your body. My presence is continuously welcoming yours to join me in an integrated brain space. I'm here to help you unfreeze and unlock habitual neural pathways and modify them in a way that your body is capable of participating...

It seems like in 21st century most peoples' dowries are not to be counted in diamonds but in coal representing unresolved ancestral traumas. Most traditional family systems only help us to grin and bear it. Not many know how to teach us how to use our unique trauma history as grist to our mill.
Even less family...

Our culture runs on unhealthy self-esteem. The way this shows in sex is that average mens' self-esteem is performance based, and average womans' self-esteem is other-based. This sets a fertile ground for pleasing and performing. People slide into rigid codependency; they only accomodate others while they don't speak their voices much. Their...

Wouldn't the world be a magical place if our lover wouldn't be considered "friend with benefits", but instead he/she would be(come) our "bosom buddy" in other words- our BFF?
This is something I tried to deliberately "achieve" over the years but it seemed to slip through my fingers as I allowed myself to slip into bad habits.