Unconditional Love
22/08/2021
The old adage 'out of sight out of mind' proves to be right again and again.
Whose fault is it? Or should I say whose lack of relating is it?
Lately I've been feeling a lot of shame about having had lots of wrong kind of sex. Lately is considered over the past 2 years since I've entered Brahmacharya again. I've been born into a time and society which doesn't mind if women suffer as long as it makes things easier for men. How did this reflect in my own sexual life? For years I've been making love to men who didn't see me as a potential mother of potential offspring. For years I've been making love to men who made me cut myself off my fertility cycles and reproductive nature. For years I've been afraid of my power; denigrating it.
Love is not a fluke, so why would sexual union be?
There are thousands of reasons and it took me 1001 nights to explore them.
Was it because I did not believe in love? Was it because I prefered to believe in men and their fake declarations of love instead?
It was certainly because I did not believe in me. Limerance was my obsession. The intense states of romantic desire were involuntary. Because of them I had a heart of a bear and guts of a leopard 熊心豹胆 . There was no me; just my immense ego trying to prove to myself and others that unconditional love is possible. I've learnt that I don't want to experience it over my dead body again.
I want to experience unconditional love while being fully embodied. This was and is my biggest lesson before and during corona times. Believing in love. Believing in life. Believing in change.
Living love. Living life. Living change.
Whose fault is it? Or should I say whose lack of relating is it?
Lately I've been feeling a lot of shame about having had lots of wrong kind of sex. Lately is considered over the past 2 years since I've entered Brahmacharya again. I've been born into a time and society which doesn't mind if women suffer as long as it makes things easier for men. How did this reflect in my own sexual life? For years I've been making love to men who didn't see me as a potential mother of potential offspring. For years I've been making love to men who made me cut myself off my fertility cycles and reproductive nature. For years I've been afraid of my power; denigrating it.
Love is not a fluke, so why would sexual union be?
There are thousands of reasons and it took me 1001 nights to explore them.
Was it because I did not believe in love? Was it because I prefered to believe in men and their fake declarations of love instead?
It was certainly because I did not believe in me. Limerance was my obsession. The intense states of romantic desire were involuntary. Because of them I had a heart of a bear and guts of a leopard 熊心豹胆 . There was no me; just my immense ego trying to prove to myself and others that unconditional love is possible. I've learnt that I don't want to experience it over my dead body again.
I want to experience unconditional love while being fully embodied. This was and is my biggest lesson before and during corona times. Believing in love. Believing in life. Believing in change.
Living love. Living life. Living change.