Rooted and ready but never steady

For a long time owning a home only felt like a major burden to me. More than safety it represented constriction and obligation I wasn't willing to consciously choose for myself. Corona times brought a lot of changes to my life. They took everything I worked for as I spent all of my savings on expensive rents. Corona took away my possibility to work in a way I was used and attached to. I loved to work with people in person. This way (my way) gave me the opportunity to explore the functionings of brain through sensual and linguistic (s)explorations. Conscious touch, Consent/Condrive and innocent play make such a difference in how people feel and perceive their sexuality and life in general. I love to initiate people into dao 道; the WAY of INTEGRITY; the way of knowing and embodying one's absolute potential through one's own experience of one's mind, body and relationships with significant others.
My returning home was neither intended and planned nor unintended and accidental; in words of Krishnamurti "If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation." Fully rooted in my pelvis instead of in my stories I am facing triggerings on a daily basis- with less and less reactions. I allow myself to be a flawed human being with humility, but not shame. How is this possible? With the awareness that I've always lived my life in full integrity. Yes, I will never be a good girl type of a woman but this doesn't mean I don't crave to have a family. A family which is supporting me on my ongoing spiritual journey; a path to lifelong love and awakening. Divine Lover of mine; you are in God's hands. Mine are taking care of the greatest gift you gave me. A gift from the soul that only the ones who look with the eyes of pure heart can see. Om Namah Shivaya🌍👣🙏💗🌺🌹🌺📿